I'm falling apart.

"All the streetlights, glowing, happen to be just like moments, passing, in front of me. So I hopped in the cab and, I paid my fare, see I know my destination, but I'm just not there."

OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODIFINALLYGOTMYCOMPUTERBACKIMSOEXCITEDOHMYGOD.

I'm, oddly enough, really excited for the election tommorow and to see what happens? Hoping for the best.

"And you know I wouldn't say "I hate you", if it wasn't true."

Dear Cait: We (Mike, Justin, Brandon, and I) watched Funny Games last night, I still can't breathe.

Pointless: The guy next to me keeps making noises when he swallows and it's making me cringe. I don't like the fact that I'm scared to drive my own car. My mood ring is turning my thumb green but I'm still going to wear it, it reminds me of you. It's so cold out already? I think my seasons or off because winter feels like summer and summer feels like winter, in respects of being productive and responsible. I don't know. I like going to work just because I read magazines for free. Shit, he just got up to make another glass. My horoscope just messed everything up.

I can't sleep at night anymore.

"It's hard to say what it is I see in you."

"...am I talking too much?, are they talking enough?, am I interested? I'm not really interested. Should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested, but I think he might be interested, but do I want to be interested but now he's not interested? So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested ... and when am I supposed to kiss him? Do I have to wait for the door because then it's awkward, it's like, well, goodnight. Do you do like that ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out cause you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering..."

I have this argument with myself everyday. I really don't understand or know what I'm doing or even what I'm not doing? We have really almost nothing in common and I never thought I would see myself actually being attracted to him, but, I am? Or am I? I do know that it's easy to to put our differences aside and put what everyone else has to say aside because in the smallest ways he makes me smile. And that is what I want right? Just someone that makes me smile? But then again, I guess not? Or maybe? It's all to confusing and with everything that you said last night I feel like I should just stop because really, I didn't even want to do this in the first place? I don't know but I wish I did, I really, really do.

As soon as fall begins, I always start to feel like I'm falling behind? I turned in my psyc paper late, I mean, only by a couple of hours, but I've had all semester? I'm failing biology but I'm going to start working really hard to bring that up to at least a C? I haven't been to my math class in two weeks? I'm always tired or achey and I know what I'm doing to myself but really, I just can't stop. I just realized how flighty I must sound with a question mark after every sentence but that's really how it is.

"I could feel a hot one taking me down. For a moment, I could feel the force. Fainted to the point of tears and you were holding on to make a point. What's the point? I'm but a clean man, stable and alone man, make it so I won't have to try. The faces always stay the same, so I face the fact that I'm just fine, I said that I'm just fine. I remember, head down, after you had found out manna is a hell of a drug. And I need a little more, I think, because enough is never quite enough. What's enough?"

1. I'm so fucking stupid.
2. I'll update this when I have time, so, never.

"It's difficult to hold divergent positions today, yet your head tells you one thing while your heart says something else. You care deeply for those you love, yet you cannot deny your needs, even if they are in conflict with others. If you do hide what's important to you, it might help you avoid an unpleasant scene now, but it won't make anyone happy in the long run. Being honest isn't always easy, yet it's still the best policy."

People are such bullshit 24/7.